Are we there yet?

Happy Friday and Happy November everyone!

Yesterday was not the best day of my life.  I was frustrated with everything, just life in general.  The other day Jen and I were commenting on how we never live for today and how we are always working toward something yet never enjoy it.  I keep waiting for the day when I start to live my life, and I have to say, it isn’t working for me! 

Truthfully, it is very difficult to feel “there” while in school.  I am constantly working off of a syllabus and reading/writing/studying for something coming up and planning my work schedule.  It has created a monster out of me.  I now plan every second of my life and when it doesn’t go as planned, I flip out.  If I don’t do the dishes, I punish myself.  It goes for anything, and I never feel like I deserve anything.  That doesn’t mean I sit at home and mope, I go and do fun things, but I always feel guilt. 

The things that are bothering me lately are bigger than chores.  I want to finish school.  I only have one class until my BA is done, but I still have to get into and graduate from law school and pass the bar.  That could take another 5 years….ew!! This is stopping me from doing other things that I want to do, like save money to buy a house, get married, and have children. Granted, I will save money when I graduate, but I feel so behind.  I also can’t control when I get married, you all know how I feel about that.  The biggest thing is waiting to have kids.  I want to be married and finished with school and by then I will probably be 32.  That sounds young enough, but I FEEL ready.  I really want to be a wife and a mother, and do fun family things.  I should probably concentrate on my current life.  People always tell me to enjoy being young and not having kids, but it is so hard!!

My whole life I have felt like I need to be something, and do something better than expected.  I have always wanted to impress my family and live up to my own standards. I have to tell you, not going as planned.  How do you feel ok with your life when it is not what you hoped it would be?

I always ask myself, Are we there yet? 

xoxo

Amanda

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5 thoughts on “Are we there yet?

  1. I love you sissy everything will fall into place, I promise, because you are amazing, smart,fun, beautiful,out going, and the best big sister ever!! Just keep ur head up and live ur life to the fullest everyday and make it amazing because u deserve nothing less than a great life 🙂 and I like how u put xoxo Amanda lol it reminded me of “xoxo gossip girl”

  2. Enjoy a few more Bay Area championships first. In all seriousness though, I wish you the best of luck on getting the BA and your post-college journey!

    Fellow Giants fan

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